Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Just picked up a new comic--the excellent The Far Reaches. This could be a much-needed replacement for A Miracle of Science; the art and story both have a similar feel, but this is less hard sci-fi. It's basically a Jeeves in Space thing. Jokes are funny, though the author breaks the fourth wall a bit too much--a very common problem in webcomics, but not normally in ones this well-drawn and -written. Check it out, it's good.

even I, pantaloon gallant, I cannot
I was remembering a scene from a book today and trying to remember which book it came from; a bit of quick Googling revealed it to be from Cryptonomicon, by one of my favorite authors, Neal Stephenson. The scene was immensely memorable to me because it essentially consists of a man eating one bowl of Cap'n Crunch for six pages. Rereading it here, I have decided that my goal as a writer will be to be able to duplicate the feat of being able to write about a completely dumb event for six pages or more and make it engaging, interesting and funny.

you can catch up with yourself if you run

Thursday, August 02, 2007

No, Maude, COLORS

The following is verbatim, as closely as I can remember an hour or two later, from what I overheard while applying for my learner's permit at the local RMV. (I passed, since you ask.) Names have been changed to protect the guilty. I swear nothing else has been added, changed or exaggerated. Sometimes, apparently, stereotypes are true. Note that at least two people were talking at pretty much any point, and both women involved had Bawstun accents.

"Alright, ma'am, please put your eyes on the testing device. "

"A, C, K, L, F, no E, G, O, sorry..."

"Wait a minute, ma'am."

"...P, F, no, R, F..."

"He said stop, Maude!"

"I heard him!"

"Please read the first line, ma'am."

"A, K, F."

"...The whole first line, please, from left to right."

"A. K. M. F. No, E. P. L."

"No, the first line, please."

"A. K. M--"

"No, Maude, he said the first line--"

"L. Q. P. C, M. No, O, M. U. K. L. S."

"Alright. Please list the colors, from top to bottom."

"L. Q. P--"

"The colors, please, ma'am."

"Oh. A, K, M--"

"No, Maude, cullahs, he said cullahs--"

"Oh. Red, yellow, blue, yellow."

"Could you try that again, ma'am?"

"Red, yellow, blue--"

"There's no blue in a traffic light, ma'am."

"--yellow, blue, red--"

"Ma'am, none of the colors are blue."

"What?"

"He said there's no blue, Maude."

"Red, yellow, blue--green--red."

"Alright...Can you see flashing?"

"Well, not right now."

Twenty seconds pass.

"Do you see flashing, ma'am?"

"I don't see anything!"

"Put your hands on the machine, ma'am."

She puts her hands on the base of the machine."

"I don't see anything."

"Up by your face, please." She does so. "Do you see anything flashing."

"I don't see anything!"

At this point I had to leave to take the small test, and was therefore sadly unable to see what happened and whether Maude got her license or not. I can only hope not.

barbaric barbaric barbaric